(I actually wrote this a few months ago, but seeing as how I haven't updated this blog in forever and need to start updating it a little more consistently, I figured I'd start by posting this :P )
Disclaimer: I tend to be pretty over dramatic, so when I say "all my friends" I generally just mean the 40% of them that are engaged/married/etc. - I DO have single friends too - but I was whining when I wrote this so I just HAD to be overdramatic and say "all" :P
I still feel like I'm too young for this.I am too young to have friends getting married, running around with husbands/wives, and having kids!
I've missed quite a few opportunities to go out and have fun with all my SINGLE friends, and now instead I'm playing "guest" for my married friends who are playing living "house"!
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my friends! They're the most amazing people I know!
But I've been just a LITTLE left behind in the transition.
At first I was a little upset, "All my friends are abandoning me for MARRIAGE!?" Now all I'm ever gonna hear about is how they spent the day dutifully cleaning the house/going to work to bring home the bacon and what they made for dinner for their husbands/how they enjoy their wife's cooking, blah blah blah! And what about when they have kids!? Every conversation from then on out is gonna consist of topics like teething, lost pacifiers/toys, naps, etc. etc. etc.
Now, I'm not opposed to marriage or families (I'm just not quite ready for all that, I'm sure I will be one day - but today is not that day). And it's not jealousy (I can be kind of 'flakey' sometimes and therefore I can appreciate the freedom of single life and while I'm not particularly fond of 'dating' I do enjoy spending time with guy friends...yeah I guess it's called dating, I just don't like all the discomfort that comes with the term, okay?! :p)
And it's not like I feel left out or anything. Actually I've been pretty well kept in the loop from engagements to weddings, etc. etc. (which I do appreciate cause its how I know I'm still valued as a friend)!
So why have I felt just a little bit bothered by my friends' happy transitions from single>engaged>married>contemplating and/or having kids?! Well, because I'm just not there yet. I'm young, I'm single, I'm indecisive and not yet prepared to be responsible for a home, husband, and kids. I don't want to be unhappy tho, and I don't want to hold it against my friends that they're moving forward and I sometimes feel like I'm not.
The solution?! An attitude adjustment!
I'm just gonna do what I do but appreciate what they're doing to!
I've decided that I'm not gonna be upset or feel left behind. I haven't been left behind! My friends haven't abandoned me for marriage! I'm still living my life and moving forward. I still hang out with my friends and they're still the same people, they just have other things to be concerned with and to discuss, and I'm okay with that. I've decided to see these married/family life conversations as a lesson for me (after all, these are the same friends that I'm gonna be coming to asking for advice once I'm engaged/married/having kids).
I was worried about having to suffer through conversations about married/family life - but I really ought to be happy that my friends still see me as someone who can be supportive of them and as someone they can talk to about everything that's going on in their lives (even if I'm not yet experiencing it myself). And I am happy! I'm happy and proud of my friends and I am going to be around to be supportive and helpful in anyway that I can be! Because I love my friends!
2 comments:
heeeee. Kaylynne you sound like me when I was your age. =P
And I beg to differ, no one is going to be talking about bringing home bacon cuz we're in college...You think we can afford bacon!?
But in all seriousness...yeah. You're exactly right. You're still young. Look at me...I kinda didn't get married til I was almost 25. *gasp*
But when I was younger I felt kinda funny and a little left out because all my friends were getting married. You'll be going to the U now so maybe it'll be a little different from Provo, hopefully. Provo starts with a p...like pressure.
And its ok..we're really just playing house, you don't have to cross it off. But we like having you as our guest, you're not playing at that part.
After a couple of months, people USUALLY even out and aside from they are essentially only half of themselves without their spouse, they are generally the same.
Having one good married friend who proved she hadn't really changed (and having a husband who liked me) is what helped me adjust. And just so you know, Andrew loves you (in a completely, he's mine and you'd better remember that kind of way =P) he told me.
The most important thing for adjustment, and I think you've got this down, is accepting that your married friends are NOT single and will usually not be up for "girls night" anymore so when you plan to hang out with them, plan to include the husband too (wives go without saying because husbands shouldnt hang out with girls without their wives around haha). Nothing is more saddening to a newlywed (or oldlywed) than knowing that their spouse isn't accepted or wanted by other people.
anyhow, I'm sure half of this has nothing to do with your blog. Sorry. heh.
can't wait for you to come home!! :)
Yeah...young...how do you explain all the girls who are my age or younger and getting married!? :p
lol Well I meant it as in...you actually have a house that you take care of and a husband who comes home from work, etc. etc. It's not just playing around!
I'm SO happy you guys like to have me as a guest tho! ^_^
lol Well I know that having a good married friend who's proved she hasn't changed (you!) is definitely helping me adjust! ^^
Awwww! I love Andrew too (in a strictly "like a brother" kinda way so you needn't worry!)
Yeah...well, who needs a girls night when you have a friend who's husband mixes mocktails!? lol :p
(And Andrew is ALWAYS invited! - Assuming that he's willing to put up with our girly chit chat! lol)
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